watch, wait, dream

im the type of person that would be defined as a "do-er"
but to be that type of person, i have learned, requires much patience to let time take it's course
just because you want something that you see doesn't mean that it will happen
no matter how well the master scheme is laid out step by step, if it is not supposed to happen, it won't because everything happens for a reason

as well as i know this and as quickly as i was able to transcribe this into words in this entry, it seems as if i lack the "waiting" aspect and yes, i do know that it's part of the "fun" of life
but i just want to know just to make sure that i'm doing the right thing [whatever that may be] and i am so so anxious to figure out the next step and aching to see a glimpse of what the future holds for me

so before i drive myself in an abyss of craziness to make my fate
i will watch and grasp every opportunity while waiting in the passenger seat in this ride through life but never forgetting to keep dreaming for my happily ever after

missing mister anonymous

it's not of the unusual as i am a dying hopeless romantic to dream about my prince charming galloping into my life and sweeping me off my feet but these days it's more than that . . .

strangely enough, my heart is aching from what and whom, i cannot say since that stays in the ambiguity however all arrows point to missing that very special person in my life that would be there for me to make me laugh all the time, holding me warm in the cold weather, lending his ears to listen to me drone on about the most ridiculous things, opening his arms for me to fall into after a long day, squeezing my hand to let me know that with him everything is secure, and the list goes on . .

it is so crazy that i do not know who this person may be but i can confidently say that his missing presence in my life is making me feel so empty inside . . strange isn't it? defining myself as an independent individual, i am surprised to find myself to be wanting to rely on that special someone . . is this just a phase that i'm going through? i surely do hope so to end these sleepless nights thinking of the most ludicrous things and feeling emotions that were dormant for so long . .

i have to say that i feel ridiculous that i am even blabbing on about this but it's been the most irking feeling inside - as my heart stays clenched from the pain . . i suppose a reason for this frustration may root from the fact that there is nothing that i can do to find the missing puzzle piece to the grand scheme of things . . .

the best thing i can do now is to stay controlled and take things one step at a time because no fairy tale has a happy ending in a snap of one's fingers

so mister anonymous, all i ask for you is one simple request:
please promise me that you're going to get here as soon as you can
and in return, i promise to be as patient as i can, waiting for you

season of fall

passing to another season
fall gives me a really unique kind of feeling
where everything around me is dying
yet in my eyes it is so beautiful
with the array of different colors of the leaves changing
from lively color of green to shades of . .

yellows
auburns
oranges
reds
purples

miraculously mysterious
you can never guess what it will be until you watch it change over time

super nintendo

remember the days when life was so fulfilling by just playing super nintendo all day? sonic the hedgehog, super mario, and street fighter were my favorite games!

although i think that the gaming consoles they have now a days are really awesome gadgets, i truly miss the non-complexities of life that existed in back in the day . . wake up, go to school, come back to play outside/play games with your friends, eat dinner that's laid out for you at the table when the sun falls . . yes, those were the days . . days i will always and forever remember and cherish :)

new appreciation for sleep

after nearly being awake for 40+ hours
sleep has never felt so blissful :)

driving through life

:: life is like driving through a city ::

[trying to find the quickest route to the destination point]

[sometimes wandering without purpose weaving in & out of the streets]

[roaming around just to enjoy all that it has to give]

:: traveling in different paces ::

[like a racecar zooming forward everyone else]

[laying back behind a truck blinded by what lays in front of me]

[simply going with the flow of traffic]

. . always moving forward and progressing

however, once in a while i discover that i need to learn how to

S T O P 4 l . o . v. e .

S T O P 2 l . o . v . e .

things to remember

i can't say it better myself
these are the things that i have to keep in mind all the time

1. i'm not alone and these feelings were felt before by others . . it's so hard to imagine that other people have been in my shoes or walked through the path that i'm taking but i need to open my eyes that this is what i need to go through in this process people call "growing up"

2. you never know what anyone is going to do . . sometimes don't even know what i'm going to do . . therefore making life so interesting . . i suppose that's the beauty of it

3. i am most definitely have a issue with not having a grasp on things and situations but at this point in my life, i find the need to let go and allow life to play its part . . only problem is that it's just so darn difficult

4. ah, overthinking - this is a disease i tell you! maybe it's because im a girl which only heightens my illness to continuously thing of all the "ifs", "how", "why", and so on . . my brain does not know how to shut down and mind it's own business . . at times it's a great thing . . makes me ambitious and paint a picture of what and where i want to be . . however i find that because i do overthink a lot of things, it drives me up the wall . . hence the increasing minutes of rolling around in bed . . *le sigh*

*whew* writing this entry made me realize that i constantly make the excuse of "not having enough time" to do things for myself but im noticing that it's more like i need to make the time for me . . it won't happen overnight but slowly but surely, with the possibility that translating my thoughts and feelings into words on this special diary - whether big or small . . will guide me to my personal betterment :)